EXCERPT from Recovering People

EXCERPT from Recovering People

The triage nurse asked me to see him right away because security staff were concerned about his “bizarre behavior.” He was scaring the other patients in the waiting room. The triage team was not sure what his primary concern was: he had said something about knee pain, but he seemed scattered to them. I went to review his chart. “Past medical history of amphetamine use disorder: currently in the preparation/action stages of change,” said a recent addictions medicine consultation note. Translation: he was really trying to get off crystal meth. “Cide” is what people commonly call meth on Hastings Street these days. I am not certain of the origins of that slang. I am not sure anyone is. But it seems tragically fitting to me. “-Cide” is, of course, the Latin suffix to denote something that kills.

I went to see him in the waiting room. The other patients had indeed given him a wide buffer of space. He was sitting in a chair, doubled over at the waist. His head was between his knees. His shoulders were shaking, his body writhing. He would roll forward so that his head sagged almost to the floor. Then he would tip back, white-knuckled fingers gripping his lower legs, pulling his feet off the ground. Then, forward again, his cheap shelter sandals slapping the floor as they came down. He was mumbling repetitively to himself. He was dirty. His thinning hair was slick with strong-smelling sweat.

“He was despised and rejected by others; a man of suffering and acquainted with infirmity, and as one from whom others hide their faces. He was despised, and we held him of no account.” (Isa 53:3)

I sat beside him, putting my hand on his back to let him know I was there. I leaned forward to speak. And then, by God’s good grace, I happened to pause just long enough to listen to him. “Dear Jesus,” he was saying, “I don’t need meth.”

“Dear Jesus, I don’t need meth. I don’t need meth I don’t need meth. Dear, dear Jesus, I don’t need meth.”

His body shook with the effort of prayer.

I should have asked him if he would consider blessing a sinner like me.

Introduction: The Horror and Holiness of St. Paul’s

My wife, Kalyn, and I moved to Vancouver about five years ago. I had been accepted into an Emergency Medicine Residency program that was based at St. Paul’s Hospital in downtown Vancouver. We were planning to stay for the year and then move back to where we had come from. St. Paul’s is a large academic and research hospital. It is well known for excellence in caring for patients who live in, what is commonly referred to as, Vancouver’s Downtown Eastside. The Downtown Eastside is a beautiful and historical neighborhood and its inhabitants have long been contributors to the artistic and cultural environment of Vancouver. However, more recently, the Downtown Eastside has been wracked by a multitude of complicated, tragic issues that are similar to the challenges facing inner-city communities in cities like Portland, San Francisco, and Los Angeles. The City of Vancouver website notes: “the Downtown Eastside has struggled with many complex challenges including drug use, crime, homelessness, housing issues, unemployment, and loss of businesses.”1

In the emergency department at St. Paul’s, these issues present themselves in the form of persons. A daily lineup of young people slumped over in orange plastic chairs after fentanyl overdoses. A patient brought in by police with methamphetamine-induced psychosis, screaming and spitting and threatening staff members. A suicide attempt in a despairing patient who sees the hole of his recent relapse as too deep to climb out of. Another leg infection, this one progressing towards sepsis, in a patient who has been sleeping on the sidewalk since being banned from the shelters. A new HIV diagnosis in a patient too paranoid from meth to accept antiretroviral medicines. A phone call to a mother to tell her that her twenty-four-year-old child is dead from a presumed overdose. “How could you let this happen?” she screams at me, before dropping the phone and dissolving into sobs.

As a Christian whose vocation led me to work in this space, I believed—and still believe, more certainly now than when I began—that each of these persons was created in the image of the divine for the purpose of friendship with God, other persons, and the natural world. The God who feeds the birds of the air and clothes the lilies in the field cares for them. As such, each of these persons ought to compel my respect and even my reverence. My medical training had taught me it was best to be professionally distant and dispassionate. My faith, deepened through the study of theology, insisted it was right to be grieved and morally outraged at the suffering I encountered at St. Paul’s, because of the significance of each person.

Often, the most grievous thing of all was an overwhelming feeling of powerlessness: a sense of total inability, despite the best efforts of our medical team, to meaningfully help our patients. I felt this grief most acutely when caring for patients with severe addictions to drugs. Their suffering grieved and angered me. It turned me into someone who cries in my car on the way home from work, something I never would have imagined when I chose emergency medicine as a specialty because I wanted to be the guy who put in chest tubes. And yet my grief and anger were not the reasons that Kalyn and I chose to stay in Vancouver when my residency year finished. They were not the reasons that led me to apply for a job at St. Paul’s. What compelled me were the moments that revealed the beauty, dignity, and significance of the persons who were suffering in these ways. I felt utterly seized by the challenge of developing the humility and patience necessary to recognize and lean into these critical opportunities to learn, love, and care.

One such moment took place in the treatment zone of the emergency department, an area designed for addressing minor ailments. It was late in my shift when the triage nurse called and said: “I am sending a guy back there who thinks he has some glass in his foot. He has a violence flag on his chart and was very aggressive and irritable at triage. It might be worth having security on standby when you go to see him.”

The patient initially lived up to her description. He was indeed aggressive and irritable, to put it mildly. But I managed to talk him down a bit. “I’m just pissed off because I have a bunch of glass in my foot,” he told me. Understandable. I convinced him to let me have a look. As I did, I asked him what had happened.

“Well,” he started reluctantly, as if he had done something to be ashamed of, “I used to be homeless, you know. There were a few months where I slept on the street in the Downtown Eastside and I did not even have shoes. I just wandered around in wet socks for days, trying to get money so I could buy more down [fentanyl or similar opioids]. But things are better now: I’ve got a place, and I’ve been clean for two months. I just started a job. Some guy there gave me two pairs of shoes: boots for work and sneakers for home. Today I was walking home and I saw a homeless guy sitting on the curb. He was high on something, just sitting there in the rain. He had no shoes. And I thought to myself, ‘how can I have two pairs of shoes when that man has none?’ I gave him my work boots and tried to walk home to put on my other shoes. But I must have stepped on a bottle or something.” And so he hobbled to St. Paul’s with glass in his foot and swore at the triage nurse when he arrived.

I find it hard to expound upon this story, as if I have an outside perspective from which I can view it. I am too close to it, too formed by it, to do so. I reside within it as a founding story for my own vocation. I try to see it everywhere, in everyone. Its juxtapositions and tensions are reflected in each of our souls. If my vocation produced no other goods, it would be enough for me to say that I have the honor of being the person who bears witness to the truth that this event simply happened. I also have the responsibility to be faithful to what I have witnessed by seeking to recognize similar acts of sacrifice and generosity whenever they are displayed by the persons around me. Particularly when they are difficult to see.

In short, what inspired me to work at St. Paul’s, what makes me grateful and excited to go to work every shift, is the patients, especially those from the Downtown Eastside. Especially those struggling against severe addiction. I am blessed and challenged by witnessing their perseverance, humility, tenacity, patience, and hope. I believe that we can, and must, see these things without glazing over the deep challenges of their lives. The darkness is so deep, the losses so great, the sad days so unbearably sad, because the persons involved matter so much. The juxtaposition of the horror and holiness of St. Paul’s makes the beautiful things shine with a special incandescence.

More Questions than Answers

Both my moral outrage and my desire to respect my patients have made me passionate about engaging with issues related to addiction. Addiction is a catastrophe of our time, with devastating consequences to individual persons, families, and communities. By every metric I am aware of, personal and community harms from addiction have continually worsened over the past thirty years. This is especially apparent when we consider addiction to drugs, such as fentanyl and other opioids. In my own region, the “Overdose Crisis” has been a declared public health emergency for almost a decade.2 Despite hundreds of millions of dollars and thousands of people working on the problem, overdose deaths continue to rise. A recent study suggests that about a third of American adults know someone who has died of an overdose.3 Worldwide, it is estimated that ten thousand people die per day as a result of substance use.4 Each of these deaths is the loss of an irreplaceable person, the fracturing of a network of relationships, and the grievous wounding of a family and community.

Addiction is, of course, not just a problem in Vancouver’s Downtown Eastside or other areas where its tragic consequences are visible to anyone who drives down the street. Behavioral addictions, including those to gambling and pornography, are increasingly pervasive in our society. Studies estimate that a near-majority of men in the Western world regularly view pornography.5 Further, addiction to pornography is widespread, if frequently hidden, within our churches. The consequences to individuals and communities are often devastating.

It is, however, difficult to speak of addiction. First, because the stakes are so high. In my experience, most people who come to the conversation have deep personal investment. For example, the first time I spoke at an academic ethics conference about addiction, there was a lineup of people waiting to speak to me when I left the stage. I anticipated a series of conversations about how I interpreted Aristotle. The first individual, a distinguished physician colleague, led with: “My son is an alcoholic.” The next person had a brother who had died of an overdose; the next had a history of severe gambling addiction. And so it went, down the line. While each person had genuine intellectual interest, their commitments came from their guts: their deepest sorrows, wounds, and fears. My arguments about Aristotelian categories tugged on a thread that connected to the things that mattered most to them.

Simply put, conversations about addiction are bound to be personal and sensitive. Addiction is too common and too destructive for it to be otherwise. One potential response to such a sensitive dialogue is to avoid the conversation for fear of saying the wrong thing and grieving our conversation partners. Such a response is understandable and often well-motivated. But I believe that it is not the Christian response. Part of our responsibility to love and serve our vulnerable neighbors is to learn how to enter these sensitive conversations well. To avoid the issue is to abandon the people who need our attention the most. We should instead seek to develop the creativity and humility necessary to inspire trust in our conversation partners, to affirm their need to be understood, and to bring humanizing precision to a dialogue that so desperately needs it.

This suggests a second problem: speaking precisely about addiction is challenging because addiction has been notoriously difficult to define. What exactly are we are talking about when we use the term “addiction”? Most of us would instinctively recognize it in intense cases involving opioids, amphetamines, or alcohol. I suspect most of us would also agree that some behavioral patterns, including those related to gambling or pornography, can rightly be described as addictions. But we also hear frequently about addictions to social media and cell phones. We “bingewatch” our favorite television shows, and we speak casually about being addicted to work, potato chips, coffee, or running. Writers in the field of addiction research describe themselves or others as having addictions to classical music,6 romance novels,7 walks in the country, or love.8 Are all of these really addictions? If not, where and how do we draw the line?

This leads to a third, related, challenge: Is addiction a distinct problem that affects only some, or is it a universal human condition that simply expresses itself in different forms in different persons? We often hear addiction described as a particular brain disease or disorder, especially in medical settings. On the other hand, many writers in the field of addictions research present it as a spectrum on which everyone falls. Christian thinkers have recently written books asserting that “everyone is addicted to something,”9 and “we are all addicts in every sense of the word.”10 Who is right? Is addiction a particular disorder that only some people face, or a common experience we all share to some degree?

For Christians seeking to love and serve persons with addiction, there are also questions of how the Bible can inform and empower our approach. We do not find the term “addiction” in the Bible, nor do we encounter a single term or concept that has an obviously synonymous meaning. There are, however, notable passages in the Bible that describe experiences that seem to overlap significantly with those of addicted persons. Can you apply these texts to your own struggle with pornography or to your dear friend’s feeling of despair after yet another relapse? Can we apply them in neighborhoods like the Downtown Eastside? If so, how?

Finally, the question of biblical interpretation should naturally flow into conversations regarding the life of the church and the role it might play in caring for persons with addiction. As we will see in the coming chapters, we often hear that addiction is essentially a medical problem and, therefore, solutions are to be found via biomedical research and medical therapeutics. One (unintended, I think) consequence of such a situation is that cultural and religious groups with potential to help often end up on the sidelines. Church communities do not want to set themselves up as an alternative to medical care for those with addictions. As a result, they often recede from the conversation, not from apathy or ill intent, but rather from lack of understanding of how to apply the life of the church to situations involving severe addiction. But is that a sufficient response from the community that hopes to be the hands and feet of Christ?

I think not, primarily because I believe the church is called to be a place of hospitality, friendship, and sanctification for persons with addiction. Furthermore, both the overwhelming majority of personal accounts from persons with addiction, along with a growing body of research, suggest that certain kinds of human communities are necessary for healing addiction.11 I believe that most Christians desire to contribute to the kind of social and religious spaces that produce grace-laden, mutual relationships capable of promoting healing for persons struggling with addiction. But how do we do so? Where do we start, if the problems of addiction are so overwhelming?

This book attempts to speak, from a Christian perspective, to our present addiction crisis, touching on each of the tensions and questions listed above. The first section addresses the foundational question: “What is addiction?” I will show how the most common contemporary answers, the choice and disease models of addiction, fail to say sufficiently precise and respectful things about human persons. It will then be possible to see, using the tools of philosophy and theology, how we might move towards a more nuanced and humanizing understanding of addiction. I will refer to this as the personal model of addiction. In the second section of the book, I will use two texts from the Gospels as examples of how we might bring our questions of addiction to biblical texts. In the book’s final section, I will apply the insights of the earlier sections to the life of the church, landing on the ways that Christian communities can engage these challenging issues with grace and hope.

In other words, the three sections of this book present ways Christians might engage this urgent issue with our whole selves: minds, spirits, and bodies. The care of our minds, to seek a precise and respectful definition of addiction. The wrestling of our spirits, bringing questions of addiction into our reading of the Bible and our church conversations around freedom and hope. Finally, the labor of our hands, believing in the power of the Holy Spirit to transform our communities through our compassionate hospitality. As poet Christian Wiman has written: “Christ may be in us. But ours are the only hands he has.”12

Used by permission of Wipf and Stock Publishers, www.wipfandstock.com.

1. Vancouver, “Downtown Eastside.”
2. See British Columbia, “Escalating BC’s Response to the Overdose Emergency.”
3. See Kennedy-Hendricks et al., “Experience of Personal Loss Due to Drug Overdose.”
4. Grisel, Never Enough, 3.
5. See Wilson, Your Brain on Porn; and Regnerus, “Documenting Pornography Use in America.”
6. Maté, In the Realm of Hungry Ghosts, 104.
7. Lembke, Dopamine Nation, 14.
8. Schaler, Addiction Is a Choice, xiii.
9. Zahl, Low Anthropology, 78.
10. May, Addiction and Grace, 4.
11. See, for example: Lookatch et al., “Effects of Social Support.”
12. Wiman, Zero at the Bone, 41.